


Better

by bae6stan



Category: GOT7
Genre: Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Fanfiction, M/M, Romance, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 00:52:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17457509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bae6stan/pseuds/bae6stan
Summary: "It's fine with me if you get a girlfriend or even a boyfriend,but it would be better if it would be me,"Jaebum earned a new fan named Youngjae.





	Better

Being an idol is tiring. You need to get up early to prepare for music shows. You do a lot of recording. You travel from one place to another. And you end up getting a little sleep.

It is tiring.

But my fans keep me motivated.

"Jaebum oppa! You're so handsome," a found would shout in our fan signing event. I would pick up the mic on the table and put it close on my lips.

"I am not," and I would smile at them.

Fans would usually shower us with compliments. Being not good with them, I would usually just smile it off or utter a thank you. 

You were one of them, too. 

One day, you showed up at one of our fan sign event. You weren't a familiar face. But once you greeted me, your smile was etched on my memory.

"Hi," you greeted me with your brightest smile before handing me your album.

"Hello, Youngjae," I greeted as I read the note stuck on the side.

"I'm a new fan," you shyly said. I even noticed how you rubbed the back of your neck. I thought it was cute.

"Really? Thank you for choosing us," then I signed your album. 

You weren't talking much the whole time. I guess because it was your first time. So before they told you to move, I raised my hand to ask you for a high give to which you shyly accepted. I interlocked our fingers in the middle of it and waved our hands.

"See you next time, Youngjae,"

 

The 'next time' came quickly. You were also at our next fan sign event. But you weren't as quiet as the first. You complimented our performance. You said you were glad that you've met us. And that we are your inspiration. You told me you were thankful. 

That day, I remembered you left my table with a big smile on your face.

For a fan like you, I told you I was always thankful.

 

You told you were still a student. So I told you that you don't need to come at our every event. You needed to study. And your studies are of priority. I told you that it was okay. But you insisted on coming. You said that we are your happiness.

I can't talk back to that, can I?

You were my happiness, too. You were my fan, after all.

 

The 'next time' became sometimes. The sometimes became often. And the often became always. You were always there to support us. You went on our music shows, showcases, and fan sign events. 

The talks we shared at our fan sign events weren't just about me anymore. You told me about school. You told me you were gay. And you told me about the guy who broke your heart. I joked about punching him if you told me his name to which you only laughed at.

I was glad to make you laugh. It was our last encounter for that promotion. After that was our good bye stage.

 

Seven months passed. I spent my seven months composing songs that is good for our next album. I spent my time practicing hard. And from time to time, you would cross my mind. I wondered how you were doing. I wondered if you were past your heart break.

 

Promotions had started. GOT6 released a new album. As usual, we went to music shows. Without me knowing, I was looking for a familiar face. I was looking for you. And I wasn't failed. Somewhere in the crowd, I saw you.

You were holding a large camera. I smiled to it. You were shocked when I did. You put the camera down and you waved at me. I waved back as I smiled.

My performance that day was the best of all.

 

"I decided to be your fansite master," you told me at our first fan sign for that album promotion. "I invested my savings on this so you should pose prettily for me,"

I laughed when you said that. I told you I was thankful. I told you that I didn't deserve it. But again, being the stubborn kid that you are, you insisted. You told me I was worth it. And that the 'us' that inspired you, had slowly become 'Jaebum.'

"Jaebum made me happy. Jaebum helped me through my hard times," you said as if I weren't in front of you.

I was grateful. I was grateful because you made me happy, too. I was grateful because it was you.

 

You told me your fan site name. So every time we had a schedule, I made sure to look through your account. You were at our every schedule, even those of my individual schedule. I admired your dedication.

You even took my pictures so prettily. I took note to thank you for those.

"No! My pictures don't even give justice to your face! You're more handsome in person!" You said when I thanked you for the pictures.

Once again, you bombarded me with compliments. It made me flush. It made my heart flutter. You were cute. And you caused butterflies in my stomach.

You were always there. You were everywhere I went. And to be very honest, you felt familiar. You made me feel warm. And as moments pass by, I knew you were different.

 

"Jaebum-hyung, it's okay for me if you get a girlfriend or even a boyfriend," I looked at you. I gripped my pen tightly, hanging on the album that I was about to sign.

"What? Did you already get a boyfriend so you're dumping me?" I tried so hard to laugh off the pain.

"No," you laughed and raised your hand. I took it with my other hand, not letting go as I continued signing your album. "But it would be better if you get me as your boyfriend,"

Your laugh echoed the room. I was dumbfounded. Were you serious when you said that? 

"You know I can't get into a relationship now, right? It's in our contract," I tried to shrug it off.

"Three years, right? Then, I'd wait for you," 

You smiled like it's nothing. But for me it was something. I didn't even know if you were serious. I didn't know if you meant what you say or if you were just joking. But I didn't probe into it. I was afraid to know.

 

I started dropping hints. I looked directly at your camera. I called you by your name. I was extra clingy to you that other fans had started naming you as my favorite fan site. Even my members noticed it.

They weren't mad, though. They thought it was cute. So I thought, it was okay. I could continue.

 

You were happy. I was happy. But then, life reminded me that life isn't all flowers and butterfly. The always became often. The often became sometimes. And the sometimes had became the last time. 

You were smiling as you walked up to me. Like the usual you, you were holding your album close to your chest. You were so cute that I can't help but smile.

I smiled back, not wanting to show that I was actually, sulking. I missed you. I told you I missed you. And you said you were sorry.

"I'm sorry for not meeting you as often," you apologized.

"It's okay. You're a student. I knew you were busy," I said and I ruffled your hair. "So, how have you been doing?" I tried to change the subject and maybe, make the atmosphere lighter. You looked sad. And I don't want you to be sad.

"I'm sorry," you apologized for the second time and I felt bad.

"You don't have to-"

"This is the last time I am coming,"

I can't believe what I heard. I couldn't speak for a few seconds.

"What?" 

"My boyfriend doesn't like me coming here. He doesn't like me spending too much on you,"

I didn't know what to feel. But I still congratulated you, nonetheless. And I thanked you for being our fan, for being my fan.

"But remember that I'd always still be here supporting you. I'm always rooting for you, hyung," and with that you left me, with no next times. You left.

I visited your fan site account. Your profile that used to show my picture was now black. I smiled bitterly as your biography read Closed. 

 

You are happy. I was happy. I was.

You got a boyfriend. You told me you'd wait. Did you get tired of waiting? Or you weren't just serious in the first place. You weren't serious when you said you would wait for me. It was all a joke. 

Or maybe I should have shown that I was taking you seriously. I should have responded back then. I should have looked into your eyes and told you to wait.

Or maybe a relationship between us was just impossible. With all the subtle hints, hidden gestures, and unspoken affection, it was impossible. It would be unfair. And you don't deserve something unfair. You don't deserve it, Youngjae.

You deserve to be taken out on dates. You deserve to be hugged and held without worrying about others. You deserve to be shown and bragged to other people. And there are a lot of more things that you deserve that I cannot give you.

You told me that it would be a better choice if you would be my boyfriend. No. You would definitely the best. I was sure and I was ready to risk it. 

 

But I guess I wasn't the same for you.


End file.
